it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
