checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
