i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
