Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
