I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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