I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
