all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
