Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize