Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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