My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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