are you still at the devil's house?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
