three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
