I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
