In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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