Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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