i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
