It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
