I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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