i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
