Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
