Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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