My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
