i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
