Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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