so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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