I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
