To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
