I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
