so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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