hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
