god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
