At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
