no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
