We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
