feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
