chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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