So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
