I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
