so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
