Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize