You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
