allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
