If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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