white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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