nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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