It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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