I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
