is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
