WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
