Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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