I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
