i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize