Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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