Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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