I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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