Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
