I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
