i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
