Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They have beer where we have blood.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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