I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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