this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
