chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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