Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
