just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
