she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
