Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i dont even know how to be here
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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