If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
