dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I could make wine with my vomit
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
