Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
