were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
