my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
