after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
