i jhust puked up my retainher.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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