I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
