Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize