Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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