I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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