i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Are we still banned from the library?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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