I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
