Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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