the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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