another moral hangover. fuck.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
