"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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