508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
