in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
