I CAN MOONWALK!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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