If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
