if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
