She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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