I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize