The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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