is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
