i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
