just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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