I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
